Stream of Consciousness: Inner Monologue of the Bathroom-Goer


I hope no one’s in here. I love it when no one’s in here.

Yes! It’s empty. Sweet, sweet sanctuary. If I had known, I would have brought a bean-bag chair and hung out for a while.

Heh – bean-bag chairs. I remember those.

Continue reading

Scenes from the Elevator


Her: Good morning, how are you?!

Him: *wearily* Too early to tell… *pause* Well, at least it’s Thursday, right?

Her: *cheerily* I have tomorrow off, so it’s a great day!

Him: Would you shut up already?

*end scene*

[Editor’s note: research recently fabricated by the author suggests that a version of this conversation happens approximately 11.8 million times daily across the globe, with the degree of optimism observed – in tone and content – varying in direct proportion to the current day of the week. Fridays tend toward cosmic liberation. Mondays are a tether to Beelzebub’s hearth.]