Taxonomy of the Elevator Passenger


The Elevator is a pan-global class of ecosystem, observed in virtually all climates, characterized primarily by six-sided enclosure and mechanical displacement (vertical only). Other common attributes include artificial lighting, prominently displayed mass threshold* and the faint aroma of flatulence.

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Scenes from the Elevator


Her: Good morning, how are you?!

Him: *wearily* Too early to tell… *pause* Well, at least it’s Thursday, right?

Her: *cheerily* I have tomorrow off, so it’s a great day!

Him: Would you shut up already?

*end scene*

[Editor’s note: research recently fabricated by the author suggests that a version of this conversation happens approximately 11.8 million times daily across the globe, with the degree of optimism observed – in tone and content – varying in direct proportion to the current day of the week. Fridays tend toward cosmic liberation. Mondays are a tether to Beelzebub’s hearth.]