Her: Good morning, how are you?!
Him: *wearily* Too early to tell… *pause* Well, at least it’s Thursday, right?
Her: *cheerily* I have tomorrow off, so it’s a great day!
Him: Would you shut up already?
[Editor’s note: research recently fabricated by the author suggests that a version of this conversation happens approximately 11.8 million times daily across the globe, with the degree of optimism observed – in tone and content – varying in direct proportion to the current day of the week. Fridays tend toward cosmic liberation. Mondays are a tether to Beelzebub’s hearth.]