Decasshole

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At the outset, nearly a fortnight ago, I speculated that a half-dozen posts might be enough for my ramblings of futility to be outpaced by the futility of my ramblings. I’m here to report that I’ve blown that mark out of the water: still standing, 10 entries in! Such a monumental achievement deserves proper acknowledgment; after all, no self-respecting corporate citizen misses an opportunity to exaggerate the magnitude of an accomplishment.

So, to put things in perspective, here are a few facts pertaining to the performance or longevity of White-Collar Purgatory, to date:

  1. This blog has been accessed from multiple IP addresses.
  2. Since its debut, it has garnered rave reviews from around my workspace and residence.
  3. I can confirm, with 100% certainty, that its content has provoked actual ‘laughter out loud’. (Side note: when people use the acronym in question to refer to a non-audible response, I literally die.)
  4. For its entire lifetime, it has added more value to society than anything its author has been paid to do.
  5. Since the inception of WCP, the world has seen days of observance in celebration of – among other things – TV dinners, Ants on a Log, felt hats, responsible dog ownership* and talking like pirates.

[*In a world where compound modifiers regularly suffer Miltonesque levels of neglect, one cannot be sure whether ‘Responsible Dog Ownership Day’ is a call for dog owners to be responsible, or a celebration of responsible dogs. I like to think it’s the latter; it’s about time that we acknowledge the efforts of those canines who eat their vegetables and take a disciplined approach to retirement savings.]

And if you should happen to be some especially hardened variety of skeptic whose gast is not utterly flabbered by the list of feats above, I leave you with this to consider: pointlessness of an exercise has never before stopped the corporate world from undertaking it, so why should I be any less determined? One does not, in good conscience, cherrypick the most convenient attributes of his muse.

Alas, if toiling in obscurity is good enough for millions of white-collar warriors out there, then it’s good enough for me.

Onward.

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