Far be it from me to style myself as some sort of caped crusader, singlehandedly avenging the cruel fate that befalls so many of us who grow up dreaming of careers as rock stars, professional athletes or actual superheroes. Make no mistake, though: this is not one person’s plight. So while I don’t purport to be able to speak on behalf of all those whose childhood dreams come crashing down in a spectacular blaze of TPS reports, cake days and meetings about meetings, I’d bet that my experiences are relatable to many.
To what end? Well, for starters, the old adage will remind you that misery loves someone who has also experienced the torture of 9-to-5 elevator conversation. The common prisoner to mundanity will find relief in confirming that he/she is not the only one who doesn’t believe that office life ought to require checking all regard for common sense at the door. That said, if commiseration isn’t enough to make it worth the reader’s while, hopefully an accompanying dose of entertainment value will be (and hopefully that’s something I can provide…no guarantees).
As for my own hopes and dreams, the most likely scenario is that a half-dozen posts will be all it takes for the cathartic value/creative fulfillment of this dumping ground of first-world problems to be outpaced by an aversion to whatever effort it takes to produce it. If I am able to keep this thing going beyond that, though, it will be because a few things happen:
1. I don’t get found out.
More on this in a second.
2. The Sense of Purpose…
…I get from documenting my daily office experiences makes those experiences easier to tolerate. My decision to start this blog is based precisely on the hunch that this will be the case, but time will tell…
3. It doesn’t turn into something that causes me frustration as a writer.
To be clear, I’m not a writer and I don’t perceive myself as one. Rather, my point is that this thing is only sustainable if I can successfully churn it out on a freewheeling, stream-of-consciousness basis. So the loosely assembled plan is that there won’t be a lot of editing, nor deliberate structure to the content you find here. This will either work (yay!), such that I can produce sufficient content without agonizing over how I do so, or it won’t, because a) I get too frustrated in re-reading the sloppiness of the ramblings of the madman in the mirror, or b) those ramblings are completely unpalatable to whoever might otherwise have the potential to consume them (were they better written). Again, time will tell, but for now – consider this the blanket disclaimer assuring you that, if you’re reading this, at some point you will cringe at the creative/grammatical/vocabularical (see what I did there?) direction I’ve taken. And if you cringe hard enough to click the ‘x’ at top-right and never return, by no means would I blame you for that.
4. It’s well received.
Deep down, we’re all narcissists to some extent (right, guys?… guys?), motivated by positive feedback. I could spew nonsense into a void that I later re-read through the screen of a phone that I paid someone to smuggle into the padded room that contains me. But if that’s the only likely outcome for this blog, I’ll probably lose interest before I’ve even generated enough content to get me through to the first TV dinner they slide through the doggy slot in my door. So yeah – I know enough about myself to know that if, by some stroke of remote probability, this blog accumulates readership beyond those who I directly email the link to, I’m more likely to be compelled to keep it going. If not, then let me at least thank you for getting this far into the 6th-last post this URL will ever contain. But speaking of sharing this around, it’s time to circle back to point 1…
Perhaps the most acute threat to the survival of this site is the potential for my employer to find out about it. To be clear, I have no moral qualms about poking fun at the inanity of the white-collar world and I will govern my writing accordingly. However, in practical terms, employers (or bosses, as the more immediate proxy for the faceless corporation) don’t tend to take kindly to the sort of thing that you can probably guess this creative pursuit will entail, and – unfortunately – my employer does influence my ability to pay the bills. So…
Obviously, I will take care to mask all identifying details that might otherwise appear in my writing (names, places, timelines, etc.), so if I do this right, a colleague stumbling across this page won’t easily be able to associate me with the content here. However, if you do know my identity and are compelled to bring other readers into our little circle of trust (please do!), I would simply ask that you not associate my name, employer or other incriminating particulars with any of your introductory remarks.
Of course, even with the utmost standard of confidentiality upheld by you and me, there are still risks inherent in doing what I’m doing. And you know what? I’m okay with that, because this is what it means to be a modern-day hero. A white-collar thrill-seeker. A casual-Friday adrenaline junkie. Boys and girls, this life is not for the faint of heart.
Strap in and enjoy the ride, if you can even handle it.